A little feedback please!

Okay ya’ll…this is something I have been working on for a bit now, in between life and a writing class….if you could just take a minute or two, and read this I would love love love some feedback…critical or not. I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you so much!


    Avery loved the little town she was newly calling home the first time she drove down Main Street.  As she slowly cruised the newly paved asphalt, the smell of hot tar permeating the thick humid air around her, she tried memorizing  where everything was for future reference. Several gas stations, fast food, and sit down family restaurants, a  Baptist Church, the middle school, and library, lined the street. Several smaller roads here and there veered off in different directions, leading to places unknown. Then she spotted what she was looking for. A discount book store tucked, all by itself at the corner of a small shopping center as she was driving out of town.

     She smiled to herself. This is exactly what she needed. A change of scenery. A new start, and a new job. She could put all the bad behind her and begin a new. A warm feeling of excitement spread over her body. She couldn’t wait to get settled in to her new house and explore her new home.

       Stopping  at a red light, she waited for it to change, and turned left,  taking her further out  into the country. Her GPS told her she was just a few miles from her house. As she turned , long open fields of fluffy white puffs stretched out before her. It looked like someone had run around, randomly throwing  cotton balls everywhere. A large blue Crane flew low in the same direction she was driving, over  the backwaters of the Tennessee River, before it  landed  gracefully in the water. A few seconds later she  drove around a stretch or S shaped curves, as the squeaky voiced woman told her to turn right in .two miles. She slowed down.

     Her driveway was short and narrow, so she had to almost stop before pulling in.  The house was set back in what she guessed was the middle of the one acre lot, giving her  a fairly large front yard. She was making garden bed plans before her feet even touched the ground.

   The L shaped house had a porch that covered the length and shape of the front of the house, and the outside was newly painted a light sunshiny yellow, with deep green shutters.  The two colors complemented each other nicely giving the place a cozy,country feel.

    She got out of the car and dug down into her jeans pocket for the house key. As she walked up the worn, and crooked sidewalk, she tingled with excitement, but there was an underlying  feeling of dread as well.  She pushed it away as fast as it came, slid the key in the lock, and opened the door.

She walked into a long room with white cabinets, laminate hardwood floors and green walls.  There were several windows so plenty of sunshine lit the room. A counter  wrapped around the wall, with two sinks under a small window. It continued around to the where the stove was set, and next to it built into the wall was the oven. The only other piece of furniture in the room was an old butcher block island that stood alone in the middle of the floor.  As she walked through a door into the living room, she stepped onto the dark hardwood floors. The real estate agent told her they were original and so was the floor in the family room. The walls were painted a beige color with a darker brown framing the doors and baseboards. The small square room had one window that opened up into the side yard, facing the neighbors house.  Off to the right and through another door, the family room was  long and rectangular. The walls in this room were painted a gold tuscan color, contrasting nicely with the hardwood floors.There was a second front door that opened up onto the front porch with windows on either side. As she  passed through a door in the living room facing  the back of the house she came  into a smaller room that she decided to use as an office area, with dark blue walls and one window. Two old book shelves were  tucked into each corner. Off the the right there’s a second  bedroom, also long and rectangular, and  the only room in the house that has carpet in it. The walls painted a dark army green. There is a small closet close to the door  and the opening to the attic in the ceiling above a computer desk left by the last family who lived there.   If she could ever muster up the courage, she would love to see what’s up there, but things like that turned her into a bit of a scardy cat.

     At the back right corner of the house was a single bathroom,  big enough for one person to move around comfortably. A fishy shower curtain hung on clear plastic rings, it’s bright colors contrasting nicely with the boldness of the yellow walls. Above the single vanity sink hung a wood framed mirror, lite by three swirly lights covered in milky glass bulbs, and above the toilet a thick white windowsill ran the length of the only window in the small room. It’s rippling glass  makes it impossible for anyone to see inside and for her to see out.

    Outside the bathroom was another smaller room with laminate hardwood floors, hookups for a washer and dryer, and a hot water heater. Off of that and into the last room of the house was the back bedroom. She knew it was a girls room as soon as she walked in. The walls were painted a deep purple around the several windows that lined the walls. Stickers covered a door that lead out into the back yard, and a small closet opened up in the corner of the room. Sun shone brightly through the windows illuminating the drops and splatters of paint that covered the hardwood floor. She thought about the little girl who must have lived here, wearing paint covered clothes, easel set up before her. Paint bushes lined up just so next to her favorite colors, while music playing softly in the background.

    Walking  back through the house she smiled, visualizing the potential of hominess the house possessed.

     As the sun slowly disappeared behind the trees, casting the yard in bright pink and yellow light,  Avery walked out to the small trailer she had hitched to the back of her car, and started carrying boxes of her possessions into the house, placing  each of them in the room it was marked for and leaving the ones she wasn’t sure where she wanted to put yet, in the middle of the living room floor.  She didn’t have any large furniture to bring in except for her grandmothers rocking chair she was given, her bed, and a dresser she’s had since childhood. She looked forward to picking out furniture and filling the house with  things she liked and that only belonged to her.

  Avery worked for hours putting things away and hanging pictures on the walls. By midnight she was too exhausted to make the bed.  She wrapped herself up in a blanket, crawled onto her mattress, and fell into a deep sleep before her head hit the pillow.

      The next morning the sun shone in the window, gently waking her with a soft, warm kiss of  light.  She smiled and stretched. Kicking the blanket off of her, she climbed out of bed and padded out to the kitchen, to put on a pot of coffee. She could hear the faint rumble of cars and trucks going up and down the road outside, and the soft hum of the refrigerator, but other than that her new little world was a peaceful kind of quiet. So much different from the nerve wracking chaos she was use to.

        After starting the coffee pot, she took down a cup and spoon and laid them side by side on the counter, and made her way to the bathroom, stopping for a moment to crack the window in the living room to let in some fresh air.

       A large, broad shouldered  man walked across the yard at the neighbor’s house on the hill. Dressed in jeans, a short sleeved, dark blue shirt tucked into blue jeans, and work boots, the sun glinted  off his glasses as he turned his head slightly towards her house. Without much thought about the stranger, she cracked the window, before continuing onto the bathroom to brush her teeth. A few minutes later, coffee in hand, she stepped out onto the front porch, taking a deep breathe of fresh air. Birds chirped from high up in the branches, as two frisky squirrels chased each other around the base of a large oak tree in the front yard. Two Crepe Myrtles in full bloom, their blossoms a deep mix of pink and purple, sent a sickly sweet smell through the air. She ventured around the side  of the house and scanned the backyard.  A large rectangular  garden plot, a big grown over but noticeable was dug up at the far end of the property. An empty lock together garden shed sat next to the plot, the right door hung off the front of it, and several large oaks scattered the yard, two of which had an old clothesline tied between them.

    She took a long drink of her coffee and looked around taking it all in. She was proud that this was hers and hers alone. No matter what happened. Turning, she walked back around to the front of the house, unaware of the eyes on her back.





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