My heart hurts!

Death is such a hard thing to deal with. Whether it be a pet, a friend, or a family member, quite frankly it sucks no matter who, or what it is. You have to say good-bye to someone, or something that you love. It doesn’t matter if you saw them years ago or yesterday. It still hurts and it still sucks. You find yourself on a roller coaster of emotions. Smiling and laughing at memories one minute, and sobbing so hard that you can’t breathe the next, and because of that and the stress of the situation,  no amount of sleep takes away the exhaustion that sets in.

My grandmother just died the night before last. It was unexpected. She was healthy, and vibrant. A go getter. She went into the hospital with abdominal pains that were shooting into her back and the next thing we knew she was gone. Just…like…that….it shocked everyone. We are still reeling.

 

I haven’t seen her in years since  I live down south now but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about her, or love her. So whenever my mom told me that she was going to go visit her, which was often, I told her to tell grandma that I said hi and we send our love. Now I mourn. I mourn for the family. For all the people who have been blessed enough to know her. For those of us blessed enough to be to related her and learn from her. For her kids. My mom, especially who not only lost her mom, but her best friend too.

At times like these it is hard to be so far away, because there is no place I would rather be than up there. Doing whatever I could, if anything at all aside from just being there. My mom is much like her mom in many ways. A rock. Almost unshakable. A force to be reckoned with. So, to hear her, so frazzled and shaken and lost is beyond anything I can comprehend, and it breaks my heart.

At times like these is great to have people to lean on. Don’t get me wrong. I love having these people in my life all the time.  My family and friends have been amazing, and even though we do this often anyway, my cousin and I have been face timing a lot more the last couple days, spending time, laughing, crying, sharing memories of our times at Grandma’s house both up north and down state. There are a ton of them.

We are here, then we are no longer, and sometimes it happens so quickly. It makes me think about the things we take for granted. We think that we have more time with those we love, when in all actuality, we just….don’t….know….I don’t have any regrets or bad feelings towards anyone. At least not anymore. But in the most kindest way I can, I recommend that if you do, and you can fix it, you should do so. Don’t take your relationships for granted. Send a letter or a card in the mail to someone  you haven’t talked to in awhile. There is only one life on this earth. Live it without regret, and be as happy as you can possibly stand to be!

5 thoughts on “My heart hurts!

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