Almost

 

via Daily Prompt: Almost

I almost couldn’t make myself get out of bed. I almost could not put my feet on the floor. I almost couldn’t sit up because just thinking about it was to exhausting to deal with, so I lay back on the pillow and pull the covers over my head and cry. Why am I this way? Why do I have to be like this? Why can’t I be a happy person, who goes through life smiling and not getting upset over everything? Why do I have to be this person? The one my kids have to see so weak, upset and frustrated. The ones they have to take care of instead of the other way around. It’s not like this all the time, but it’s horrible when it is. the feeling of guilt at not being able to function. Knowing I have to say it out loud to fix it.  The actual words. I am depressed. It’s horrible feeling so sad, heart broke and guilty at the same time that it’s so overwhelming it turns into one big circle that just goes around and around and around. Then I set my mind. I do not want this. I do not want to feel like this anymore! It’s not fair to the kids or anyone else, and I get up. It takes everything I have, and I do a little. Walk a little. Go outside and breathe a little. It’s exhausting, but I do it anyway because I know, if I don’t, it won’t get better. Day by day, little by little, it does, and eventually it’s gone. For now.

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